Well, it’s been an uphill battle being Jonny Cigar. I took a three hour nap today after lunch, and when I woke up, I was reminded of the day when I realized just exactly what it is I am: a professional. No one told me. No one had to tell me. There were no billboards. No celebrations. No blood of Christ, no arks to build…nevertheless, I’ll never forget that day. It was in the fall and I was walking home from school, when a strange feeling overtook me, and I wandered out into the middle of main street and I stood there on the double yellow line. I was wearing my first fedora bought at Woolworth’s for 395 dollars, the kind of money you can only make workin’ your uncle’s hay farm, which is exaclty what i did that past summer - now - the first cutting was worth the most and at night when Uncle Vinny was asleep I sold half a dozen bails on the black market. Anyway, I took off my hat and held it in front of me - I had no idea what I was doing - some force was moving me, I had no control. And then the cars began to slow down and the drivers of the cars dropped one’s and five’s and ten’s into the hat, and in just fifteen minutes I had collected enough money to buy another hat. I did that everyday for a while. The fire department never asked any questions because they figured I was helping out the rescue squad and the rescue squad never asked any questions because they weren’t sure if I was Jewish or Italian. And, you know what? I still took the lunch money my mother gave me. It was the least she could do. Well, today I may not have a thing at all, but I got lots of plans for tomorrow, just you wait…
