Not the first time I find myself faced with a giant body of water, threatening my every glance. I wondered how long it would take me to drink the whole damn thing… people say I can hold my liquids. Then I thought, maybe I’d start up my campaign again - I always wanted to be President. I always wanted to to be able to put on my resume: “Sung for Presidents, Bush, Clinton, Bush, and Cigar” or “Bush, Clinton, Bush, and Self.”
Well it’s been an uphill battle being Jonny Cigar…Stayed up all night and at dawn decided to hop in a car and head west. Don’t know whose car it was, but had leather seats and play toys in the back. There were some credit cards in the coffee cup holder so I was neither hither nor tither affected by the insurmountable gas prices mounting my bird, baby. I had heard that there was water west, and I hadn’t had any of that in two decades as far as I could remember. I must have made a wrong turn in Westchester because I ended up in Rutland, VT and since I had been in enough ruts in my life, I flipped a one-sided coin and promised myself to pick up the next Asian hitchhiker I saw, which didn’t take as long as you might think… She had just come from an apple orchard, and her apple pies were warm and I kept saying “apple pie thighs” and she kept laughing because she thought I was taking her to Canada.
Canada. I heard they take the bones of dead animal carcasses and grind ‘em up and use em to pave the streets ! I heard they talk in Metrics, some kind of aboriginal language… it doesn’t matter! You can call it seven, but you’ll throw an eleven, I yelled at her, and stopping at the next gas station, I told her to get out and fill me up, and when I felt full I pulled out and headed for the nearest antique store – figured I’d see how much I could trade myself in for! Well, I may not have a thing at all, but I got lots of plans for tomorrow, you just wait…
